Understanding in disguise

Lately my son has been having a hard time. He’s been more defiant, ignoring us, hurting his sisters, yelling, refusing to sit or be quiet in situations where it is needed. He does seem to do much better if we completely smother him with praise for anything he does do to be helpful or kind, if we give him a lot of one on one active attention. It is hard when he seems to do much better with his preschool teacher or others then he does with us, his parents.

Last night though, I realized something wonderful and special. I love him just as much when he is giving us a hard time as when he is cuddling and sweet and obedient. It is a nicer time with him, but I love him just as much either way. Parenting opened my eyes to how much more and even more perfect my Heavenly Father’s love is for me even when I’m hard to be with and being difficult. It gives me courage to continue to work with him, to have patience and try many ideas that I and others have thought of that might help.

I do think the extra praise and attention will be a key factor, along with the being consistent and following through. Right now he is playing at being a little doggie with his sisters and being so sweet, it is always easier at home, where I can control the environment more. It’s harder when you are at Church, a friends, or at a store. My husband and I will just have to work together to help him know how to be polite, appropriate and be the little boy I know his is and can be, four is such a hard age and we are learning how to be the parents he needs.

Sometimes it's the storm before the calm

I completely was unaware that school started today. My neighbor came over and knocked hard on the door and let me know my phones weren't working (the children had taken the phone off the hook) and my husband wanted to let me know school had started (now why didn't he turn the car around and told me?). I felt so embarrassed, school had already been in session for a half-hour and my daughter was dressed in a strange combination of skirts and shorts, black rock boots and a dirty shirt.Quickly this slow morning turned into frantic chaos: changing clothes, combing hair, thinking if she had enough lunch money left, adding up reading minutes, finding a coat and backpack, then running with her out the door so I could make sure she crossed the street safely. I sighed with relief when I walked back in the door, I called my mom to tell her of the adventure and she asked if my son had school today too (luckily it's afternoon preschool), and yes he did too though not quite so frantic.It was quieter even to have only two children home, I had my brother and his little girl over to make a gingerbread house while my baby took a nap. I'm realizing I have to get to know him again, he is actually an adult not my little brother anymore and finishing up the first four years of med school. It is interesting sometimes it takes a little time to reconnect with family when you have been living away from each other and when you feel more connected then it seems like they have to go home.My son got off on the bus by 12:35 and I had almost three hours with just the baby. I was able to run errands to Costco, pharmacy and the library including taking the time to select carefully books, computer games and videos that were just right for the kids instead of just putting in the basket everything they wanted and finding half of the materials were too advanced for the children, it was so wonderful and my baby loves the time driving about, getting in and out, and seeing new things when she is with me.When I got home I had at least a half hour before the rush of the coming home and I knew I had so many phone calls to make lists to do and a house to clean, but for a moment I was just stunned, not knowing where to begin when I actually had some time on my hands, even the baby was asleep, it was such a peaceful calm. The calm after the storm.